dead.

I considered forgoing the use of capitals but instantly decided that it would have driven me crazy.

In this instance, inconsistence is driving me insane. I haven't socialized with more than three people in the past 24 hours, nor have I stepped outside of my house all day. Supposedly, it was in the mid 80's. For all I know, that could have been a lie.

Except for the fact that my room is boiling me like an egg.
I would have sincerely wished for this a week ago when our furnace exploded, and then when the circuit blew for my room.
But now the ceiling fan is just a nice thought and I can't open the windows because of spiders.

Oh, and the screens took a suicide plunge during the winter and are also nice thoughts.

I'd like to open my windows.
I'll gladly be the frame.





I met Aaron Weiss last night.
I can't stop thinking about that show.
I need to see them again in June and July.

but that's ok.
that'sOK.


but yeah. i almost just spilled an entire cup of coffee on my keyboard. what a catastrophe that would have been.

the more i listen to music, the more i go to shows, the more i listen and re-listen to music that i've recorded and mixed, the more i feel like i can't just stand idle and not do something. and as i sit here and just listen to songs we've recorded, it makes me feel like i just can't sit still and i just want to be doing something proactive to get going and i keep thinking that over and over and over and over just the same thoughts over and over again. and i'm still sitting in the same chair at the same desk typing on the same keyboard. and nothing gets done about it.

i mean, it's not like i can just get up and pull a song out of the air and record it. that's just impossible.
but i'm just so restless and i don't know what to do to fix it.

i don't believe that God puts people and passions in your life for you to push them aside. restlessness comes from either frustration of being out of His will, or driving passion to complete His will. often, both simultaneously. i just don't know what to do next. like, i do but i don't.

as far as i know, i'll be in boston in about 9-10 months working on my bachelor's. for photog.
i just sneezed.
but what about after that? what about, during that?
i know the answers will probably come 'in time'.

i hate waiting.
for everything.

disgustingly long survey
Created by caits27 and taken 111 times on bzoink!
I.D.
who are you?	RENEE
how are you?	i am very well thankyouverymuch
your full name?	Renee Christine Rorer
today's date	march 29 '05
place of birth	syracuse ny
date of birth	october 18th 1989
astrological sign	libra (even tho horoscopes are full of crap)
current grade	10(hehehe im a youngin amongst my clasmates tho
height	5'5.5"
weight	111 i think
hair color	light brownish/dark brownish/reddish
hair style	shoulder length curly-ish wavyish with a bunch of layers
eye color	greenish hazelish
room color	white (yes how expressive)
peircing or tatoo? if so, what and where?	my ears, but i wanna get more......
allergies?	marijuana(really) lol
describe your personality in one word	ARFGLARG!
describe your appearance in one word	changing
soon
where will you be in the future?	how far in the future? maybe OK in 2 years fer college
one thing you hope to do in the future	complete the call on my life
one thing you hope you don't do in the future	have a sex change(yea rite that would never happen eewwwwwwwww)
a phrase or saying that should be banned in the future	"i want your tots" hahaha jk i say it all the time
an invention that would make your life easier	an invention that makes more inventions
something you would like to experience in the future	LOOOOOOOOVE
what will you most likely miss about the past?	the simplicity
do you believe the human race will end?	ehh........long story read the bible
what will replace oil?	what kind of oil?
what will the internet cause?	THE END OF THE WORLD
what will replace shaving?	waxing
favorites
favorite thing to do	sing
favorite way to dress	hahaha i dress on my mood
favorite person	YOU
favorite animal	monkey or pigs
a flower you really like	orchids or tiger lilies
a smell you love	Tommy Girl perfume
a taste you love	sugar!
your favorite sport	i dont play much sports....
your favorite meal	shrimp maybe?
your favorite drink	Dr Pepper or coffee
your favorite desert	ice cream
favorite game	the game where i annoy people
favorite book	too many faves
favorite magazine	cosmogirl or seventeen
favorite movie	either Armageddon, What About Bob, or A Walk To Remember
favorite musician	my dad lol
favorite band	wow i like a lot.....thats really hard.....
favorite actress	Kirsten Dunst (?)
favorite actor	SPONGEBOB
favorite tv show	extreme makeover home edition idk lol
favorite artist	hmmmmm........
favorite time of day	as soon as i get home from school
favorite state of mind	when im clear headed
thing that makes you happiest	God
possessions
watch	yep
shoes	yep
clothes	nope aint got none...what do u think?
allowance	nope im an independant woman lol
cologne or perfume	tommy girl and bath and body stuff
on your wall	posters of plays and musicals ive been in and pix of friends
you collect	buttons and pins
you don't have alot of	necklaces
head spin
something forbidden you have done that might even surprise your friends	ummmm zinger???lol inside joke
if something is your fault, you tend to do what?	pretend i didnt do it.......
a lie you tell yourself	that im concieted or i think too much
your most recent lie	I DIDNT DO IT
a lie you have told that you wish you could take back	hmmmmm cant think of any
something you have stolen that was not worth the risk	yea rite...me steal?
the worst thing you have ever said to your parents	IM NEVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN!!!!!!
the worst thought you ever had about your parents	lol why would i post it for the world to see?
have you ever hit someone?	yea all the time!
if yes, why?	b/c it is a sign of affection
what would your reaction be if your boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on you	DUMP HIM
have you cheated?	nope and never will
a time you hurt someone emotionally on purpose was	retaliation i guess idk
beliefs
do you believe in god?	of course
what religion were you raised with/	christianity
do you practice it?	practice? practice for what? its a way of life
death is...	something i dont want to experience yet
how do you picture the end of the world?	read the end of the bible
do you believe in evolution?	which kind? macro-evolution or micro-evolution? dont even get me started on this topic lol or i wont shut up! i love theology
do you believe in karma?	well you reap what you sow
what would you like to come back as?
if reincarnation had a bad day, what would you come back as?	i wouldnt come back i'd stay home
friends
how many friends do you have?	i have no idea......
three traits you look for in a friend?	honesty, morals humor
who are you three best friends?	o wow i dont even want to type this b/c i might hurt someones feelings
the thing you enjoy doing most with your friends	chiilen, singing, writing
something you struggle with when you are in a big group of friends	feeling like i want to be the leader
a freind your parents don't approve of	YOU
a friend whom you miss	STEPH!!!!
a friend who makes you laugh	dave lol
a friend whom you can tell anything	ashlie
a friend to whom you can go for advice	jordanee
a friend you can go crazy with	all of em lol
a friend you can flirt with	hehehehe
a friend you should not flirt with as much as you do	^^see above
a friend who you would like to kiss	no comment
a friend you don't take seriously	YOU
a friend you may lose soon	hmmmmmm.....
why?	dunno
a friend you have lost	*sigh*
a friend who does or believes in something you cannot respect	a few but yea
a friend with whom you would like to be closer	good question
a friend to whom you would never lend money	hehehe a few of them......many of which havent paid me back lol
a friend who has betrayed you	yet again a few...*sigh*
a friend you need to forgive
a friend to whom you have something important to say but have not yet	someone but im not gonna say here!
best friend as a child	Sara
worst enemy as a child	didnt have any
someone who you really dislike now	again, im not gonna post it
the friend who is most like you	hahahaha dave HT!
the friend who is least like you
do you give or take more in a friendship?
you
what you like most about yourself	lol my humor maybe?
what you like lest about yourself	idk
you best quality	christian-ness
your worst quality	a tad of selfishness maybe
three words that describe how others view you	differently, put togethter
three words that you would use to describe yourself	nice funny determined
three things for which you are often complimented	earrings clothes jokes
the animal that best describes you	monkey!
the greatest amount of phyisical pain you endured	when i had an IV in 2 arms and 2 hands and when they squeezed the needle and popped the vein
the greatest amount of emotional pain you endured	breakups
your best physical feature	eyes
a physical feature you would like to change	nose
describe with one word
you save	letters
you kick	brian
you have	snot
you mind	mommy
you know	jack
you wonder	alot
you sing	everyday
you suffer
you love	God
you buy	stuff
you fear	teletubbies
you enjoy	sunsets
you want	icecream
you hope
you pay	cash
you expect	the unexpected
you dream	@nite
you assume
you neglect
you understimate	kids
you manipulate	friends
you overestimate
you scream	4 icecream
you forget	names
you mean	bean
you fulfull	dreams
you hate	licorice
you beg
you thank	God
you suspect	conspirators
you distrust
you risk	reputations
you maintain	life
you are	COOL!
the dumbest thing you ever did	get a late detention
most painful criticism you ever got	YOU SUCK
yes or no
you can make decisions	yes
you care about your body	yes
you love talking on the phone	yes
you are reliable	yes
you replace the toilet paper after using the last sheet	sometimes
you consider yourself a happy person	yes
you have a secret with someone that you can never share	yes
you are always late	no
you think you snore	no
you talk too much	idk
you dislike confrontation	yes
you have good manners	sometimes
you are moody	sometimes
you find many things quite annoying	sometimes
you can tell jokes	yes!
you feel awkward in public	no
you wear underwear	of course
you remember your dreams	yes
you eat too fast	yes
you like your parents	yes
you need a lot	idk
you recycle	yes
you drink enough water	idk
you are perceived as a
you shave	of course
you can whistle	a little but its hard with braces
you are sad	sometimes
you believe in destiny	yes
you brush your teeth regularly	yes
you have something to confess	yes
you pick your nose	no.......?
you have traveled alone	yes
you are often ashamed of yourself	sometimes
you care too much about you hair	ehh if its a special occasion
when you are wrong, you apologize	sometimes
you are addicted to coca-cola, chocolate, or coffee	YES
you get out of bed immediately	sometimes
you save things	yes
you are comfortable at parties	yes
you always have the last word	yes
you wish everyone cared more	yes
you have a hard time accepting things	sometimes
you are popular	depends on who u ask
life treats you well	yes i think sometimes
emotions
your current emotion	didnt i already answer this?
emotion you tend to hide the most	anger
an emotion you can't hide	deep hurt
the predominant emotion you have experienced lately	happiness
a moment when you achieved absolute happiness	when i was 3 and prayed
the moment you lost your innocence	*gulp*
you have a great amount of guilt regarding	idk
when you want to be happy, you need	Friends
when you are sad, you need	someone to talk to
when you are angry, you need	ditto
when you are in love, you need	lovin
when you are lonely, you need	someone to talk to
you would love it if someone told you	thta they loved me too!
the last time you were very angry with yourself	idk lol
the last time you cried	about a month ago...in public anyway
the last time you laughed	2 sec ago
someone who genuinely has or does make you happy	YOU!
something that makes you happy	ditto
spontaneously match the following emotions with a color
fear	black
love	mauve
happiness	yellow
sadness	blue
anger	red
guilt	purple
jealousy	green
loneliness	light blue
memories
your earliest memory	dreams
when and where was your first kiss?	well....my first real kiss is yet to come, but my first kiss(on the cheek)(lol) froma guy was while mini golfing lol
the first time you fell in love	*sigh*
the last time you heart was broken	ditto
most precious childhood memory	eating candy for the first time
a scary time you cannot forget	when i was attacked by a telletuby
something that will always make you laugh	talkin to dave
a person who is especially kind to you	a few ppl
a person who made you miserable for a long time	YOU
the most peaceful time of your life	now lol j/k my life is always crazy
a tragic moment that has shaped you	9/11
the most shocking moment you ever had	when i found out um.....the earth wasnt flat
something you wish you hadn't witnessed	MY PARENTS IN THE ACT
something you wish you hadn't heard	ditto
something forbidden you'd like to do again	eat more icecream tonite!
your most jealous moment	ive had a few....
someone you wish you had never met	hmnmmmm no one
someone who you would like to meet again	idk lol
a smell that reminds you of your childhood	wood
an object that reminds you of your childhood	toys
a moment you will always remember	talkin to you!AND FINISHING THIS LONG SURVEY
Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

I.D.
who are you?:	your worst nightmare.
how are you?:	medium rare.
your full name?:	Renee Christine Rorer.
today's date:	Wednesday, June 4th, TwoThousandAndEight.
place of birth:	I was concieved someplace very dark that smelled of claustrophobia.
date of birth:	Who knows.
astrological sign:	shuddup.
current grade:	14
height:	five six?
weight:	onetwentysomething.
hair color:	soo many different colors. brown and dark brown and light brown and faded red.
hair style:	no.
eye color:	hazel green.
room color:	JUNGLE
peircing or tatoo? if so, what and where?:	two in my ears, 2 of those are stretched, i have my lip pierced and i want to get my tragus and helix done. and tattoos will arrive when i have the necessary funds.
allergies?:	weed.
describe your personality in one word:	no.
describe your appearance in one word:	yessss.
soon
where will you be in the future?:	BOSTON. Not oklahoma, sadly. I can't wait though.
one thing you hope to do in the future:	excell.
one thing you hope you don't do in the future:	deaccelerate.
a phrase or saying that should be banned in the future:	i think we all know the answer to this one.
an invention that would make your life easier:	an invention that makes more inventions. obvvvv.
something you would like to experience in the future:	marriage.
what will you most likely miss about the past?:	people did everything FOR me. they even changed me when i crapped my pants.
do you believe the human race will end?:	i'm not even going to get into this.
what will replace oil?:	balsamic vinegrette.
what will the internet cause?:	zOMG TERRORISMZ
what will replace shaving?:	ductape.
favorites
favorite thing to do:	eat.
favorite way to dress:	fatfatfat
favorite person:	there are a few.
favorite animal:	PIGGSSSSSS. or Zebras.
a flower you really like:	i like the way poppies are referenced in the Bible.
a smell you love:	clean.
a taste you love:	espresso.
your favorite sport:	hahhhh.
your favorite meal:	edible.
your favorite drink:	coffee-related.
your favorite desert:	please don't ask me this.
favorite game:	the one where I mess up your mind.
favorite book:	ultimately, the Bible.
favorite magazine:	Nylon. I barely read anything though.
favorite movie:	please don't ask me this.
favorite musician:	please don't ask me this.
favorite band:	no.
favorite actress:	no.
favorite actor:	no.
favorite tv show:	the office.
favorite artist:	mary ellen mark.
favorite time of day:	i like the entirety of the day that God has orchestrated.
favorite state of mind:	clarity.
thing that makes you happiest:	there are so many.
possessions
watch:	several.
shoes:	30ish.
clothes:	at least 600 articles.
allowance:	howabout payroll.
cologne or perfume:	be delicious from DKNY.
on your wall:	the everglades. and oversized keys.
you collect:	oversized keys.
you don't have alot of:	oversized keys.
head spin
something forbidden you have done that might even surprise your friends:	sworn. maybe once.
if something is your fault, you tend to do what?:	it depends on what it is.
a lie you tell yourself:	that i'm skinny underneath all the FAT
your most recent lie:	who knowss.
a lie you have told that you wish you could take back:	who knowss.
something you have stolen that was not worth the risk:	nothing. ever.
the worst thing you have ever said to your parents:	i've told my parents i hated them before. they said it back though.
the worst thought you ever had about your parents:	who knows?
have you ever hit someone?:	yes. yes i have.
if yes, why?:	>:D
what would your reaction be if your boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on you:	well i'm not a lesbian so i'd be pretty surprised if my girlfriend were to cheat.
have you cheated?:	no.
a time you hurt someone emotionally on purpose was:	no.
beliefs
do you believe in god?:	no. i believe in God.
what religion were you raised with/:	i was not raised with a 'religion'. 'religion' implicates something other than what i believe. look up the roots of the word.
do you practice it?:	no.
death is...:	no.
how do you picture the end of the world?:	i picture it on a polariod.
do you believe in evolution?:	i believe in creationism and a God that created creatures with abilities to adapt to their environments. that's it.
do you believe in karma?:	you reap what you sow.
what would you like to come back as?:	a fighter jet.
if reincarnation had a bad day, what would you come back as?:	pudding.
friends
how many friends do you have?:	zOMG 402398432490
three traits you look for in a friend?:	honesty and porkiness, in addition to getting it.
who are you three best friends?:	sara, michael, and the third is a tough choice.
the thing you enjoy doing most with your friends:	existing.
something you struggle with when you are in a big group of friends:	i don't struggle. i tend to walk away.
a freind your parents don't approve of:	no.
a friend whom you miss:	many.
a friend who makes you laugh:	a few.
a friend whom you can tell anything:	my two closests.
a friend to whom you can go for advice:	the previous answer looks like the word 'closet'.
a friend you can go crazy with:	zOMG!
a friend you can flirt with:	hahaha. i can't remember the last time i actually flirted.
a friend you should not flirt with as much as you do:	no.
a friend who you would like to kiss:	no.
a friend you don't take seriously:	no.
a friend you may lose soon:	no.
why?:	no.
a friend you have lost:	no.
a friend who does or believes in something you cannot respect:	no.
a friend with whom you would like to be closer:	your mother.
a friend to whom you would never lend money:	no.
a friend who has betrayed you:	michael timothy dumont.
a friend you need to forgive:	no.
a friend to whom you have something important to say but have not yet:	no.
best friend as a child:	sara.
worst enemy as a child:	you.
someone who you really dislike now:	no.
the friend who is most like you:	no.
the friend who is least like you:	no.
do you give or take more in a friendship?:	give.
you
what you like most about yourself:	i'm not stupid.
what you like lest about yourself:	i'm stupid.
you best quality:	my cordiality.
your worst quality:	i'm mean.
three words that describe how others view you:	you. tell. me.
three words that you would use to describe yourself:	how. about. no.
three things for which you are often complimented:	fashion. voice. face.
the animal that best describes you:	ZEBRA. you know what this means.
the greatest amount of phyisical pain you endured:	giving birth. in the future.
the greatest amount of emotional pain you endured:	ew.
your best physical feature:	placenta.
a physical feature you would like to change:	my droopy eye.
describe with one word
you save:	coins.
you kick:	your rear.
you have:	power.
you mind:	controls.
you know:	everything.
you wonder:	why you're still reading this.
you sing:	often.
you suffer:	the children.
you love:	honestly.
you buy:	candy.
you fear:	claymation.
you enjoy:	the absurd.
you want:	bacon.
you hope:	bacon.
you pay:	bacon.
you expect:	bacon.
you dream:	of bacon.
you assume:	that most people don't get it.
you neglect:	small animals.
you understimate:	the power of AIDS.
you manipulate:	your thoughts. yes, you.
you overestimate:	how much things can cost.
you scream:	for icecream.
you forget:	me not.
you mean:	what i say.
you fulfull:	dreams. ohhh yes.
you hate:	black licorice
you beg:	and plead.
you thank:	the Lord.
you suspect:	thieves.
you distrust:	thieves.
you risk:	my life.
you maintain:	a good reputation.
you are:	Renee.
the dumbest thing you ever did:	i think we all know.
most painful criticism you ever got:	hahaha. that i don't move enough on stage.
yes or no
you can make decisions:	yes.
you care about your body:	yes.
you love talking on the phone:	yes.
you are reliable:	yes.
you replace the toilet paper after using the last sheet:	no.
you consider yourself a happy person:	yes.
you have a secret with someone that you can never share:	no.
you are always late:	no.
you think you snore:	no.
you talk too much:	no.
you dislike confrontation:	yes.
you have good manners:	yes.
you are moody:	yes.
you find many things quite annoying:	yes.
you can tell jokes:	yes.
you feel awkward in public:	yes.
you wear underwear:	:(
you remember your dreams:	yes.
you eat too fast:	yes.
you like your parents:	yes.
you need a lot:	yes.
you recycle:	yes.
you drink enough water:	yes.
you are perceived as a:	yes.
you shave:	yes.
you can whistle:	yes.
you are sad:	yes.
you believe in destiny:	yes. predestination, at least.
you brush your teeth regularly:	yes.
you have something to confess:	yes.
you pick your nose:	yeNO.
you have traveled alone:	YES!!!! best story about that.
you are often ashamed of yourself:	no.
you care too much about you hair:	hahahaha. no.
when you are wrong, you apologize:	eh.
you are addicted to coca-cola, chocolate, or coffee:	dark chocolate, i enjoy. but i've been a solid coffee drinker for 4 years.
you get out of bed immediately:	nooo.
you save things:	yes.
you are comfortable at parties:	no.
you always have the last word:	yes.
you wish everyone cared more:	eh.
you have a hard time accepting things:	no.
you are popular:	ehh.
life treats you well:	yes.
emotions
your current emotion:	rushed.
emotion you tend to hide the most:	happiness.
an emotion you can't hide:	anger.
the predominant emotion you have experienced lately:	blahEXCITEMENTblah.
a moment when you achieved absolute happiness:	there are probably a few.
the moment you lost your innocence:	that was when i reached the age of accountability. i think i remember that, actually.
you have a great amount of guilt regarding:	no.
when you want to be happy, you need:	chocolate. and people.
when you are sad, you need:	a hug.
when you are angry, you need:	a hug.
when you are in love, you need:	a hug.
when you are lonely, you need:	hug me.
you would love it if someone told you:	they were going to give me money.
the last time you were very angry with yourself:	don't know.
the last time you cried:	must have been a while ago.
the last time you laughed:	reading the original survey.
someone who genuinely has or does make you happy:	saramichael.
something that makes you happy:	pigs.
spontaneously match the following emotions with a color
fear:	purple.
love:	white.
happiness:	neon yellow.
sadness:	ultramarine.
anger:	boiling fuschia.
guilt:	mustard yellow.
jealousy:	sickly green.
loneliness:	light grey.
memories
your earliest memory:	crying. fresh from the womb. i wish.
when and where was your first kiss?:	hahahahaFALSE.
the first time you fell in love:	justshudddddddddup.
the last time you heart was broken:	6 minutes ago.
most precious childhood memory:	eating. i was always eating.
a scary time you cannot forget:	twothousandandsix.
something that will always make you laugh:	see above.
a person who is especially kind to you:	there aren't many these days.
a person who made you miserable for a long time:	i think we all know.
the most peaceful time of your life:	the day before i met you. yes, you. you know who you are.
a tragic moment that has shaped you:	meeting you.
the most shocking moment you ever had:	the second after i met you.
something you wish you hadn't witnessed:	that night in th emergency room.
something you wish you hadn't heard:	ew.
something forbidden you'd like to do again:	writhe in lard.
your most jealous moment:	stephen christian's wedding.
someone you wish you had never met:	eh.
someone who you would like to meet again:	myself. as a wee lass.
a smell that reminds you of your childhood:	playdoh. processed plastic.
an object that reminds you of your childhood:	old wierd tapes.
a moment you will always remember:	finishing this survey. and taking it again.
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